Being ignored

Message sent to john Friday 6am

Morning John great spread in paper (at last) hope it all went well yesterday. Can you do me/us a favour and push the dance week to any parents who may have children looking for summer activities and also to any of the kids coming Sunday, 9year olds up ( or enthusiastic hard working 8 year olds) We only have 10'book at mo so need a few more... Only one booked for adults but I know we have more that just haven't booked yet.... I know I didn't leave many flyers but if you can pop to corn ex and get a bunch of their Get Involved brochure its in there. Ta muchly xxx

No reply by end of day so sent a text 8pm 

Still no reply 

So I sent another message sat 8pm 

Feeling somewhat ignored... A quick reply would have been nice.... Unless by some technology break down my messages haven't got to you.... !

And got an immediate reply : 

Yes got and received but incredibly busy day

To which I replied :

Sounds like it was very successful. Nearly over ......

What I wanted to reply was this : 

Dear John

Feeling really sad that our friendship has completely broken down. I'm not even sure if you are aware that it has... I'm not really sure what you think these days. I totally understand that you are consumed by Nocturn but you do need to remember there is a world beyond nocturn and you can't just walk all over your friends and or ignore them because 'your busy'. We are all busy but find time for each other. I have helped you out and on so many occasions so Yes I Do expect a quick response when I send a messages esp. when it's about a joint project... I seriously didn't know if you'd got my messages and if you had why you weren't responding. Being busy is a rubbish reason, how long does it take to text 'yes will do' or alike... 

This is just the tip of the iceberg but the latest incident. We definitely need to talk but I realise this is not the right time but when you have more head space we need to clear the air if we are going to continue to work together. 

Day 4 Week 4 and its a wrap..... 😀

Final day of filming at last ... 

And it's A WRAP......Whoop thank the Lord..... 

The only thing that grumpy could say when I saw him later was 'no it's not over, we've got a busy day tomorrrow' talk about putting a downer on it... Just another nail in his coffin for me... Oh yes and how about 'thank you for driving everybody back and going out of your way, using your petrol and your time  for my benefit.... ' 

Determined that tomorrow isn't going to be a drudge but I'm sure John can turn it into one.... 

Day 3 Week 4 😡😤❄️

Another 'challenging' day in the office.... 

It started off well with a later start for me. I didn't arrive until 11.15 as they were filming 'play' & 'typewriter' neither of which I'm in so I couldn't see the point of arriving at 10am to warm up and then not be used for two hours.... Good call on my part as I wasn't used untill 12.30... 

Lunch at 2 then out to Goring to do 'The Walk'.   I can't help being exasperated at John for making us drive so far from NGA and then making us hike so far to the filming site. It's pretty but not that special, I'm sure we could have found a similar site at Burghclere.... But nobody asked me so hey! 

So the first hour was fine. We did a run from beginning to end and then the pedantic's kicked in and it was all about angles and close ups etc... Which is totally fine as long as you don't spend ages discussing it when we are in flimsy dresses freezing to death waiting for somebody to say Action... 

By 5.30pm my body was at the limits of its endurance to the cold, I was actually quite please when the camera battery died but at the same time 'come on.... We're filming in a wood, what the most important thing to have ? Er, a spare battery......'  We had no choice but to call it a day. It did however mean we'd have to return tomorrow which was not such a favourable forecast but nevertheless I was done for today, there is only so much cold you can take... I so frustrated and annoyed at the lack of acknowledgement of what they are expecting us to do. It's BLOODY freezing, the ground is muddy, slippy and littered with roots, the hedges are spiky and still they expect perfect results. We're doing the best we can, could we have some credit for that? 

Also....... when we do exactly what you tell us to do DONT BLOODY HAVE HISTERICS WHEN IT LOOKS REDICULOUSE...it was your idea, we're just following orders.... And don't make out that's not what you wanted because that's exactly what you told us to do.... Grrrrrrrrrr

My love for John is diminished a little bit more today.... I'm not sure we will ever recover from this and a part of me doesn't want to...... 

Day 2 Week 4. Day 1 of Filming ......

Finally we are at the point we have been working towards over the last 3 weeks.... Day one of filming. 

The film maker Rigaro is great.. He's quite abrupt but clearly has a plan and a vision. He k ow what he wants and articulates it well. Also so refreshing not to be the one who's not up to scratch. In his eyes wer're all equals and AT LAST I feel on par..... Fuck your john for putting me down and making me feel like shit..... 

It's been a long and hard working day but worth it for the great shots he's getting even if I am obsured most of the time by Effie or Harriet. 

On the plus side I don't need to go i till later tomorrow as I'm not in the sections being filmed and I was brave enough to say something... Couldn't bear hanging around for hours doing nothing again...., 

Supposed to be filming outside tomorrow... Wish us luck, it's been quite wet! 

Week3 Day 4 Back in the woods 😁

Day trip to the woods today.... Why we had to go all the way to Goring and hike half an hour to get to a spot I could have found 10 mins away from NGA I don't know but my opinion isn't required anymore so I just stay quiet.... 

Not sure if it's wishful thinking but John did seem more encouraging towards me today.... I actually got a 'good, nice' before he re choreographed it.... I'm actually being very vindictive but that's just the way I'm feeling I'm afraid... 

Today was an ok day and tomorrow is a day off in the sun so feeling relieved. 

4th and final Week - whoop. Day 1

8.30am So I woke up this morning thinking 'I wonder how much I can get wrong today...' So a positive start...

It's photos today, filming Wed, Thurs, Fri. Then figuring out what we do for the VIP event on sat. Then it's over until July... 

8pm A good day... Lovely photographe, Nick, who made you feel good about what he was capturing. Quite an easy day and finished at 5pm A WHOLE HOUR EARLY!!!! John seems happy with the product. Let's bring on the filming.... 

Week 3 Day 3 😰😖

Unfortunately another day in the life of feeling like a crap dance. General notes - don't wobble....

Oh and remember all that material you spent 3hrs recapping on Tuesday and that I never bothered to look at... Its all cut..... Except for a few snippets which you can teach Effie & Harriet because they will be able to make it look much better.... 

Not sure how much more I can take really before I break... 

Hey ho nearly over..... 

Email sent to John.....

D

Deborah Camp

Hi john Just wanted to ask. Do I need to remember any of my other material or do I 

assume it's not needed. Debbie

N

nocturndance

Debbie For Memories we are now all sorted thank you. John Sent from my iPhone

D

Deborah Camp

Books? Jobs? People?

N

nocturndance

Can we keep in our pot for potential use in the live element, thanks. John

D

Deborah Camp

to nocturndance
4 days ago

Details

Ok will do. 

P.s. Sorry I haven't come up to standard, I am doing my best which I am very aware is not good enough yet but I will keep trying...... Feeling quite vulnerable... I'm not wanting to put 'my stuff' onto you but it obviously effects my output which ultimately effects your product... I need to cultivate a more positive outlook but finding that very hard at the moment... 

I'm not expecting you to respond to this but wanted to let you know where I'm at.....  

He didn't respond......